My First Attempt at Candy Apples

Being Sick Blows....

So I went to the gym twice last week, and unfortunately got really sick. I had really bad sinus congestion and ended up having an allergic reaction to liquid Mucinex. So I've been on best rest for an entire week and still don't feel very well. So I haven't gone to the gym in a week. I'm feeling a little better, but I feel like such a slob for not getting up and going to gym (I literally felt like I was going to pass out if my heart rate jumped up).

I have to work overtime tomorrow so I'm thinking of hitting the gym after I get off at 1pm, or I may just wake up early on Monday and go before work. When I went to the gym last week for the first time, I walked on the treadmill for about 30 mins and only burned ~100 calories. The second time, I got on the elliptical, burned 750 calories in 30 minutes and went about 5 miles. So I think the elliptical is my new bestfriend.

Hope everyone had a great week!

XOXO,
Kelsey

Gym Time!

I finally got access to the gym at my job. I'm waking up tomorrow morning at 5AM to get to the gym by 6am. Work out for an hour (maybe just walking on the treadmill), shower and get ready for work!

Wish me luck!
XOXO
Kelsey

Disappointed in Myself

(Photo Credit: BurnMeNot)

So after reading a bit more about a vegan diet, I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to make such a commitment. Also, I tried soy milk today for the first time, and it made my throat itch like crazy!

I definitely want to incorporate more veggies into my diet, so I'm really excited to try new all-vegetable recipes.

Now lets get to the real reason I'm writing this post.

So shortly before I sat down to write this, I was standing in front of my oven. Waiting for two Marie Calendar's chicken pot pies to pop out of the oven. While waiting, I thought to myself "Oh my God, this is taking way too long! I'm hungry NOW! I need something in my mouth right this second!" So I search the kitchen for something that could satisfy my urgent hunger.

Unfortunately, I found what I was looking for.

There it was.

A container of chocolate and cashew clusters. Just waiting for me to twist the top off and pop 3 of them in my mouth. And that's exactly what I did. Without even thinking twice I chewed through 2 of the clusters without any guilt.

For a moment, I was in heaven. Pure blissful heaven.

I drifted off to a place where I wasn't an obese girl at high risk for diabetes. I was a happy skinny woman who could eat as many clusters as she wanted and not suffer any of the effects they have.

They tasted so good. So they were okay to eat, right?

Wrong.

My moment on cloud nine last a whoping 45 seconds before the hard core guilt sank it and I rushed off to the bathroom to step on the glass scale I swear I'm going to break one day.

50....100....200....215....I waited and waited for what felt like a decade for that scale to land on the final number. It felt as if I were awaiting a jury to read me a guilty verdict. And then there it was.

The stupid three digit number that determines if I'm hot, or not. The only number other than my bank account that can make me feel like the lowest of the low.

237.6

With that, my heart sank, but not faster than my tears.




When I weighed in at 220 some odd years ago, I told myself that I would never go over that. Then I hit 230 this year. I told myself the same thing. Now the third time. 237. The number of pounds I carry on my bones and most likely the number of tears I shed moments ago when talking to my husband about how and why I left myself go so badly.

I can go on and on painting this horror picture for you, but instead of moping about it. I'm going to change it. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I'm tired of walking past a mirror and being too afraid to look.
I'm tired of hiding from my reflection in glass windows.
I'm tired of the fat that hangs on my cheeks.
I'm tired of being out of breath when I walk up one flight of steps.
I'm tired of my jeans unzipping on their own when I sit down.
I'm tired of not being able to bend over and tie my shoes without blood rushing to my head.
I'm tired of seeing skinny bitches and wishing I looked like them.
I'm tired of looking like I'm pregnant when I'm not even sure that's possible anymore.
I'm tired of brittle nails and hair that I'm sure is result of malnutrition
I'm tired of having to search for plus size outfits
I'm tired of buying cheaply made boots from Torrid because they're the only boots that fit my big ass legs
I'm tired of my ankles hurting because I'm killing them with my fat body.
I'm tired of falling asleep at my desk every day.
I'm tired of making excuses.
I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired of trying.
I'm tired of bullshitting.


IT'S TIME TO MAKE A FUCKING CHANGE!
ITS TIME TO TAKE MY HEALTH SERIOUSLY!



Damn you Costco for making such delicious chocolate and cashew clusters. You will not win. I will.